Everything is Perfect in Egypt

In an effort to bolster its damaged image, Egypt's Ministry of Truth announced it has retained the Sopranos family to enforce the new "Everything is Perfect in Egypt" campaign. To encourage participation, Paulie will partner with local hit-man Mustafa Ziftaway to whack whining journalists who fail to report on the country's unrivaled excellence.     

Egypt not perfect enough for you?  

EXCLUSIVE: Pac-Man in Homs

Acknowledging his mistake in confusing a grainy upload from the video game Apache: Air Assault with real life footage of Russian airstrikes in Syria, leading Egyptian strategist Ahmed Moussa led off his his daily talk show with exclusive video showing Russian ground troops entering the contested city of Homs. In the video still, Russian commandos disguised as Pac-Man can be seen literally eating up enemy troops. 

"The ability to swallow up U.S.-Saudi-Qatari-Turkish conspirators Blinky, Inky, Pinky and Clyde with a single power pellet, and also devour the enemy-planted cherry, reveals the powers of Russian troops" declared Moussa. Moussa predicted the ground operations would be over after Level 9.

Brain-shrinking TV

Three minutes on Egyptian television this morning.

Authority on democracy   

• Minute one: Egyptians leading the world in applying democratic principles.

• Minute two: Egyptians bravely defeated the imperialist agenda seeking to undermine the great "Arab civilization".

• Minute three: Americans begging Egypt to accept $1.5 billion in aid funds.

Rehabilitating Egypt's Global Image

Egypt's image in the world has taken a battering. From the fully discredited people-power moment of January 2011, to a rocky experience with an Islamist-dominated democracy to the violent re-imposition of the status quo ex ante, Egypt has been on the headlines for too long and for all the wrong reasons. Virtually any mention of the country these days is in relation to unfavorable comparisons to other banana republics, Orwellian repression, religious pogroms, emptying tourist resorts, fleeing investors, rampant xenophobia and impending civil war. 

The state-sponsored response has been as impotent as it has been furious. A noxious mix of jingoist drivel, tall-tailed conspiracy and preachy paternalism has done nothing to endear. Eager efforts of independent and semi-independent supporters have been similarly ineffective, other than to reinforce the same beliefs among the same circle of believers. English language slogans and simulcasts of shrill Egyptian TV talk shows, frenzied use of social media spreading the views of fringe Western analysts and indignant letters to the closet-terrorist president of the United States, come across as more than a little paranoid. To the extent there has been damage control, most of it has been thanks to an Israeli lobby fretting of a unstable neighbor, rather than any indigenous efforts.

The Ralph Peters Echo Chamber

Terrorist lovers

Ralph Peters has become an overnight cult hero in Egypt. An interview of the retired US army officer on Fox News criticizing the Obama Administration's alleged softness toward the Muslim Brotherhood made the rounds over and over and over again among Egypt's self-defined liberals. Never mind that Mr. Peters is but one obscure voice with little or no tangible influence in the United States, nor that he is a commentator on right wing US media with views that might make many Egyptians squirm. The fact that he has presented an opinion consistent with what the Ministry of Truth espouses as truth deems him a knowledgeable expert, as opposed to the ignoramuses in the rest of the world media who are under the Brotherhood's nefarious spell.

CNN is biased for not reporting as fact that 20 million or 33 million (informed sources say it was 77,321,754) Egyptians on June 30 took to the streets protesting against the Muslim Brotherhood and in favor of military rule (clearly, the two must go hand in hand). BBC gives too much face-time to the terrorist barbarians faking their deaths whom a month ago were the country's elected leaders. And, of course, Al Jazeera is simply beyond reproach. Egyptian state media once derided as hopelessly biased is now the benchmark of gravitas, because it hosts serious-looking men who can explain the epic US, European, Israeli, Palestinian, Qatari, Turkish, Iranian, Syrian, Ethiopian, Indonesian, Malaysian conspiracy against the mighty Egyptian military. Talking heads in the "independent" Egyptian media repeat and repackage everything that state media says to further underline the sole and unique truth. 

No irony

Oh my...

The Problem with Bassem Youssef

Bassem Youssef's El Bernameg is well-produced, witty and topical.  It is good in its own right, and especially good relative to the tired standards of feigned seriousness, pumped up shouting matches and bad drama for comparable shows on Egyptian and pan-Arab television. Bassem Youssef, however, has become too big for his own good.

We Shit You Not