Friday, August 26, 2016

Church Building Boom in Egypt

On occasion of reaching "full consensus" on the draft law regulating the construction and repair of churches in Egypt, the Government has released a picture of the prototype of the places of worship that may be soon built across the country. It is anticipated that up to three of the ten square-metered churches will be fast-tracked for construction within the next twenty-five years, subject to obtaining the requisite permits from the seventeen involved ministries. The issuance of the draft law follows months of transparent engagement with the public. Though no one has yet seen the actual text, the law is said to be based on internationally-recognized standards for the building of nuclear facilities for housing leper colonies in earthquake prone city centers. It is expected to receive unanimous approval of the Parliament.

Tuesday, August 16, 2016

Phelps and the Global Conspiracy against Egypt and Ahly

Citing widely-circulated photographs of U.S. swimmer Michael Phelps flashing a four fingered salute after completing the 200 meter individual medley in the Olympic Games being held in Rio de Janeiro, Medhat El-Ghaby, spokesman for Egypt's Ministry of Truth, who doubles as goalkeeping coach for Ahly, decried the systemic conspiracy against the Egyptian state and Ahly. Speaking to a group of three Brazilian pensioners who congregated at the Egyptian consulate in Rio on occasion of "Free Kofta Day", El-Ghaby issued a somewhat disjointed statement, declaring that "[a]s everyone knows, holding up four fingers in this manner is a symbol of the mass suicide committed by the terrorist Muslim Brotherhood organization that has cunning agents masquerading as Olympians.  This has caused Egypt not to win any gold medals and made Ahly -- which is Egypt -- lose both the Egyptian Cup final and drop out of the Champions League. Egypt and Ahly -- which is batal el qarn -- will not stand for this, end of statement."  

Monday, April 11, 2016

Fantasy Island

Following the uproar surrounding a deal struck by Egypt to transfer sovereignty to Saudi Arabia of the Tiran and Sanafir islands located at the adjusted maritime border between the countries, Egyptian authorities have announced the acquisition of Fantasy Island.  Fantasy Island -- referred locally as Fandazee -- will allow Egyptians to live out their dreams, with a minimal entrance fee. The undisclosed fee is payable only in US Dollars, with proceeds set aside for a state-controlled fund with undisclosed objectives.

Za blane is coming, za blane is coming!

Tuesday, March 15, 2016

Being Egyptian

What does it mean to be an Egyptian?

It means knowing that Cameroon and Mowkawleen goalkeeping great, Joseph-Antoine Bell, will forever be Bill Atwan.