A Revolutionary Constitution

James Madison...Egyptian style

In all of the endless bickering regarding the proposed new constitution for Egypt, there has been scant detail on how the existing draft can be improved.  Though there have been a few exceptions to the banal debates -- such as the ever-so-intelligent idea of setting specific maximum wages (in contrast to those failed world economies that only have minimum wages established by their legislatures), capping land ownership to five feddans (because the existing 50 feddan limits have been so successful in creating a vibrant agricultural sector) and ensuring universal healthcare that extends not just to the poor, but to all Egyptians (because Egyptians with means really want to have access to pristine state-run hospitals) -- such modest proposals really have not captured the imagination.

Egyptians pride themselves in being unique, and all the more so in a post-January 25 era.  In the interest of jump-starting discussions on a founding document befitting of its people in these exciting times, here are some specific proposals for Egypt's Revolutionary Constitution:

• In temperatures under thirty (30) degrees centigrade, every man, woman and child, irrespective of religious persuasion or heat tolerance, shall outfit themselves in a dark wool sweater so as to protect society against the spread of influenza.

• It shall be prohibited to use the letter "p" in oral or written form.  P shall be banished from all schooling curricula, without exception.

• All world maps shall be centered around Egypt, reflecting the past, present and everlasting grandeur of the nation, without regard to any transient measurements of development.

• Driving when legally blind shall be strictly prohibited, thereby ensuring Egyptian streets remain in an orderly condition.

• The number of tablespoons of sugar permitted in any single-consumption glass of tea shall not exceed ten (10), unless a stamped and notarized testimony from a licensed doctor justifies a greater amount.  Notary publics located at the local nadi shall be deemed valid in order to ease the burdens on sugar deficient citizens.

• Without prejudice to guarantees on freedom of speech and so as to foster development of the mind, persons referring to Al Ahly as batal el qarn shall, at their own cost and expense, be admitted to insane asylums within three (3) hours of making such, or any similar, statement.  

• Insulting or otherwise doubting in the perfection of anything related to Egypt before a non-Egyptian person shall be a penal offense.  

• Fuul, ta3maya, koshari, ma7shi, molukhaya bil aranab, kawara3, feseekh, gibna domiati, basal akhdar, basboosa and kofta-flavored shibsy shall be deemed national foods.

• Airings of Mama Nagwa and Boogi wa Tam Tam shall be strictly banned in an effort to arrest the degradation of human intelligence.

Banned