Turkish Delight

Sugar highs

The expulsion from Cairo of the Turkish ambassador has captured the contrived imaginations in Egypt. The story has pushed to the back pages lesser issues such as the ongoing constitutional crisis, butagas shortage and student and worker strikes. Coming on the heels of a pumped up visit of senior Russian leaders, it has been championed as a hearkening back to a mythical era of Egypt pulling its diplomatic "weight".

Phantom projections of Egypt's ever-waning influence abroad long have been a popular ploy of the country's leaders to delude the downtrodden masses. The escapism has not worked to the benefit of Egyptians, often distracting from attention needed to address domestic failings and sometimes used to disastrous effect, as when Nasser started to believe in his own myth.  

Asphalt Legacies

The commemoration of the opening the military's new Cairo-Ismailia highway, attended by the First Deputy Prime Minister and his presidential aid, provides occasion to look back to the master of road-building ceremonies and marvel how much "revolutionary" Egypt has changed.

Now

Israel - Egypt's Zionist Ally

Egypt is in President Obama's doghouse. The ill-advised investment made by the Administration in the country's short-lived experiment with "democratic Islamism" has been wiped out by a military coup / populist rebellion (or whatever else one wants to call it). Team Obama has been settling scores by giving Egyptian dignitaries the cold shoulder, and is now cutting back on some of the US-made military toys that the Egyptian armed forces love to parade around. The direct effect of these moves may be negligible, but a strained or worse relationship with the United States would over time expose Egypt to being ever more diminished on the international stage, while hardening the links of its politics, economy and culture to regressive Gulf Arabs. Neither a fickle Obama nor a self-absorbed, xenophobic and inept Egyptian body politic hold out much promise of breaking the ice.  

Fingers and Hands

Che Guevara Meets Mohamed Morsi: The Making of the Legend of the Brotherhood

The One Hand may be succeeding in the zero sum political gamble against the Muslim Brotherood in Egypt; its ham-fisted strategy is not winning over the rest of the world.

It's Hip to be Four in Istanbul

The Little Green Man in Cairo

Informed security sources have spotted an armed, little green man in various gatherings across Cairo. He is reported to have entered Egyptian soil from the Rafah border crossing carrying either an Israeli, U.S., Qatari or Turkish passport, or possibly a combination of all four, and is considered a mortal risk to the integrity of the state and unity of Egyptians. Military and police units have been instructed to use live fire to attack the little green man and any and all whom are suspected of being his supporters.

Rehabilitating Egypt's Global Image

Egypt's image in the world has taken a battering. From the fully discredited people-power moment of January 2011, to a rocky experience with an Islamist-dominated democracy to the violent re-imposition of the status quo ex ante, Egypt has been on the headlines for too long and for all the wrong reasons. Virtually any mention of the country these days is in relation to unfavorable comparisons to other banana republics, Orwellian repression, religious pogroms, emptying tourist resorts, fleeing investors, rampant xenophobia and impending civil war. 

The state-sponsored response has been as impotent as it has been furious. A noxious mix of jingoist drivel, tall-tailed conspiracy and preachy paternalism has done nothing to endear. Eager efforts of independent and semi-independent supporters have been similarly ineffective, other than to reinforce the same beliefs among the same circle of believers. English language slogans and simulcasts of shrill Egyptian TV talk shows, frenzied use of social media spreading the views of fringe Western analysts and indignant letters to the closet-terrorist president of the United States, come across as more than a little paranoid. To the extent there has been damage control, most of it has been thanks to an Israeli lobby fretting of a unstable neighbor, rather than any indigenous efforts.

Leaders of the Free World

The Ralph Peters Echo Chamber

Terrorist lovers

Ralph Peters has become an overnight cult hero in Egypt. An interview of the retired US army officer on Fox News criticizing the Obama Administration's alleged softness toward the Muslim Brotherhood made the rounds over and over and over again among Egypt's self-defined liberals. Never mind that Mr. Peters is but one obscure voice with little or no tangible influence in the United States, nor that he is a commentator on right wing US media with views that might make many Egyptians squirm. The fact that he has presented an opinion consistent with what the Ministry of Truth espouses as truth deems him a knowledgeable expert, as opposed to the ignoramuses in the rest of the world media who are under the Brotherhood's nefarious spell.

CNN is biased for not reporting as fact that 20 million or 33 million (informed sources say it was 77,321,754) Egyptians on June 30 took to the streets protesting against the Muslim Brotherhood and in favor of military rule (clearly, the two must go hand in hand). BBC gives too much face-time to the terrorist barbarians faking their deaths whom a month ago were the country's elected leaders. And, of course, Al Jazeera is simply beyond reproach. Egyptian state media once derided as hopelessly biased is now the benchmark of gravitas, because it hosts serious-looking men who can explain the epic US, European, Israeli, Palestinian, Qatari, Turkish, Iranian, Syrian, Ethiopian, Indonesian, Malaysian conspiracy against the mighty Egyptian military. Talking heads in the "independent" Egyptian media repeat and repackage everything that state media says to further underline the sole and unique truth. 

It's All America's Fault

• Nearly forty percent female illiteracy rate:  America’s fault

• Quarter of population below poverty line:  America's fault

• Ranking #118 on global corruption index (behind Djibouti, but still beating Sudan):  America's fault

• Ranking #107 on global competitiveness index (Sudan was not ranked): America's fault

• Rampant and institutionalized religious discrimination:  America's fault 

• Over 12,000 deaths in auto accidents per year:  America's fault

• Single World Cup appearance since 1934:  America's fault

• Mama Nagwa retarding an entire generation of Egyptians:  Maybe not America's fault

Same shit, different day

The powers that be (naturally, that would not include the president, vice president, cabinet, any political parties or, of course, any say from the people) have selected a new roster of governors for Egypt. Military or police rank is the chief (or only) qualifying criteria among the vast majority of the appointees, another clear sign of the country's stunted democratic development. A few braved the prevailing fascist climate to oppose the announcements. Such voices were immediately drowned out by the contemporaneous decision to break-up the Muslim Brotherhood protest camps, creating an overwhelming news story and self-fulfilling justification for the return to the overt militarization of local government.

New governors and little palm trees

Fanila Fantasy - The Case of Omar Effendi

Dusty

As Egypt's political soap opera lingers on, a recent decision of an economic administrative court carries potentially far more lasting consequences to the lives of ordinary Egyptians. The affirmation of the annulment of the privatization of Omar Effendi -- a heavily indebted, overstaffed and low-quality department store chain sold to a Gulf investor in 2006 -- sends out a troubling signal to the market over the direction of Egyptian economic policy making.

Deeply flawed on procedural and substantive grounds, the Omar Effendi case has became a rallying point for the retrograde revolutionary activists promising a return of the Egyptian economy to its illusory socialist hey-day. The fact the all-powerful rulers allowed for this decision to be rendered is revealing of their control-and-command mentality, the same mentality that set the country so far back for sixty years. A security-first instinct mixing with interventionist populism is unwinding the tepid market-based reforms undertaken in Egypt over the last decade, further setting back the cause of reform.

Egyptians cannot afford more of these delusions, no matter the excuses and no matter how many stop-gap grants the country bribes out of the world. There are no shortcuts to market reforms; the longer Egypt waits, the harder they will be to implement.  

Another Message from The Hand

In the name of the most merciful who has bestowed upon you the ever-presence of The Hand:

Since we last communicated there have been certain notable developments in the country, so The Hand has deemed it appropriate to provide all you lesser beings with a brief assessment from The Hand's omnipotent vantage point at Minipax:

1. Mass showings of solidarity in the streets have been suitable, but next time there will be less tolerance for those grumbling of missed beach time.
2. Undulations to The Hand's greatness need improvement. Still lacking a uniquely catchy tune. Brava to Ghada El Sherif; this is the kind of incisive coverage The Hand is looking for. 
3. To you die-hard supporters of the deposed, stop being so stubborn. The Hand can and will out-God and out-gun you, but really, what are we fighting for? You know and The Hand knows that the so-called "liberal" wussies have been rendered impotent by their fickleness and fear. Get back to your core competency of controlling culture, knowing, naturally, that the rest is for The Hand, and only The Hand, to handle.
4. To you Christian people, just a gentle reminder less you get too carried away...
5. Finally, to you Mr. Obama, اتنيل بنيلة. Of course, that means The Hand is fully committed to a democratic transition, respectful of tolerance and universal human rights, et cetera et cetera. Funding and our strategic partnership will be keenly protected. See you soon at Tysons.

No irony

So Long to Flower Power

The time that never was

Egypt's sixties moment is over. In yet another sign of how it all went so wrong, the same "revolutionary" minions who recklessly promised the moon to Egyptians back in those heady days of Tahrir circa January 2011, are now whole-heartedly supporting the strike back of the empire in its most unfettered and vicious form. Insipid war songs, feigning praises for the military command, over-hyped nationalism and even more over-charged xenophobia not only are now commonplace, but are encouraged by the headless "political forces" and their phantom liberal backers. Egyptians have been misled into incongruously subscribing to a belief of having their interests aligned with self-interested generals, then pinning hopes on dyed-and-stained Islamist retrogrades, then back again, all the while desperately seeking for anything other than total chaos. Whether this ends in a full-fledged military takeover or not is beside the point -- Egypt already is a military state. And sadly, this may not be the worst option any longer for a country where religious tyrants have been let loose, yes moderated by short-term opportunism, but always wedded to a fundamentally anti-modern set of ideals.

Ahly, Zamalek, Boredom

A faintly familiar game played in Gouna

Unsatisfied with domineering political life, centralizing the economy and  straight jacketing religious and social norms, the vampires have sunk their teeth deeper into one of the last bastions of free expression in Egypt, the rivalry between Zamalek and Ahly. The African Champions League match-up between the two (no local competition face offs being any longer possible, thanks to the idiotic decision to cancel the league and cup) was played in circumstances that can be charitably described as intentionally horrendous. Unpaid players who have not faced a competitive match in months were commandeered to run around in broiling temperatures at a wind swept field on the Red Sea in the middle of the fasting month of Ramadan. 

The game itself was a predictably terrible stalemate, lacking in every facet. The only people leaving happy were the authorities congratulating themselves for the wondrous achievement of staging a football match for ninety minutes, complete with twenty-two players in neat uniforms and even some fans with waving flags who braved the uncertainty of whether they would be allowed to attend.

Another victory for dulling unity, another loss for Egypt. 

Oh my...

CC Set to Dominate

Last line says it all.

No use denyin' it

Egypt's Unfantastic Economic Policy

Dr. Doom looms

Based on early indications, the vision of the economic "Fantastic Four" in Egypt's new cabinet is no better than that of predecessor governments. Their priorities lie squarely on finding scotch-taped solutions to an economy that instead requires radical structural change. 

Subsidizing bread instead of flour (inviting further state intrusions), centralized targeting of commodity levels (might work in the military, does not work in a market economy), seeking out billions in aid and concessionary loans to finance an unsustainable and distorted fuel market (which will not be made any more sustainable by cracking down on smuggling), setting a national minimum wage (which won't be enforced and anyway fails to address chronic unemployment and underemployment) and promising to support domestic industry by simply providing better physical security (as opposed to a streamlined bureaucracy, functioning infrastructure and non-corrupted legal and business environment), will not cut it. The politicized decision to put the IMF loan package on the back burner furthers the sense that this government has no real economic agenda. 

Merely not being the Muslim Brotherhood is not an economic policy. Fantastic and revolutionary this is not.  

CC Blows

The Yankees' lefty that is, not the all-omnipotent one.

Coptic Quota

Symbolic harmony

New cabinet announced. All-important Ministers of Environment and Scientific Research again Copts (plus consolation prize of the weakest of the economic ministries). 

A Message from The Hand

In the name of the most merciful whatever you happen to believe in, provided, in primus, such belief neither conflicts with nor otherwise diminishes the superiority of The Hand:

We hail your perseverance in crushing the vast conspiracy of the American-Zionist enemy against our great nation. We hail the return of the "real Egypt" to which we devote ourselves; the Egypt of staged democratic stability, privileged economic dynamism and comfortably hypocritical cultural conformity; the Egypt where The Hand always is slapping on your golden faces.

To the disappointed believers of the fascist regime of the past, in the spirit of togetherness and forgiveness The Hand offers you the unfettered ability to spread your religious bigotry, without, of course, upsetting the "civic nature" of the loving state. To our once excited, then frightened, and now again excited "revolutionaries", we hereby promise to maintain the veneer of independent media and to keep open at all times at least one of Tamerai and La Bodega, so as to provide you with the calming illusion of living in a progressive country, subject only to occasional closures or threats of closure to remind of the superiority of The Hand. To our Christian brothers and sisters, The Hand offers you a happy life wherein your existence will be tolerated, with only the minor inconveniences that will necessarily arise from time to time to underline the presence of The Hand. And to the rest of the blessed proles of this wonderful land, The Hand offers you the privilege of subsistence amounts of water, electricity, diesel and bread, with the gentle reminder that such privileges can and will be revoked when and where The Hand, in its eternal wisdom, deems necessary.

Now what to do with Egypt?

No love

After seeing one of its purported headline foreign policy achievements implode and instead become a lightening rod for criticisms that go far and wide (very far, and very wide in the case of conspiracy-loving Egyptians), the Administration may be tempted to simply give up on Egypt. That temptation must be resisted. The United States has massive influence in, and must stay engaged with, Egypt. In doing so, it should be guided by a few insurmountable principles that are too often overlooked:

SHAME ON EGYPT

From a symbol of hope and joy...

Obama's Egypt Disaster

Strained alliance

The Obama Administration did not cause the mess in Egypt over the past two and a half years, but it has nonetheless made a mess out of U.S. policy in the country. Born out of an ill-considered gamble on populist foreign policy, followed by a fateful approach to retrograde Islamists, then ultimately damned by an unimaginative, tepid and defeatist positioning of American influence in the region, the Administration has failed miserably. While U.S. perseverance may have helped Egypt's hopelessly inept leaders avoid a total train-wreck, Obama never should have supported the "revolution" (speaking of coups...) against Mubarak in the first instance, and never should have aligned the United States with political Islam. Once the Administration did do these things, however, it managed to make matters insurmountably worse by not using U.S. influence to drive the fundamental change that Egypt desperately needs to its body politic, economy and society at large.